5 is too many

Last night was our Ward Party. There hasn't been one in forever, so we decided that we should go and have fun. It was pretty great. There was fun games and things for the kids and good food to eat (I took my Snickers Salad), so we were having a good time.

Then came the contests they had planned. Twinkie and Marshmallow eating contests. My curiosity got the better of my diabetic self and I went to watch....and then some. The guys were up first and I thought they were a bunch of sissies only getting through 2 or 3 of their 6 twinkies that they needed to eat in 2 minutes. I mean really! It's a twinkie, right? Who doesn't love those? Then the ladies were up and probably because I had talked smack, they were telling me to go do it, and I caved. I can't help it. Peer pressure is too much. So I, being the good friend that I am, made my activity days co-leader do it with me. There was 7 of us ladies. The Elders Quorum President put 4 twinkies in front of each of us and it was to see who could eat the most in 2 minutes time. Oh yeah. No problem I thought. Meanwhile wondering, "Is there enough insulin left in my body to counteract this much sugar?" The timer started and we began shoving them in our faces. Oh yes, we were oh-so-ladylike. Anyway, I always try not to outdo myself in things like this. I don't want people to think that the reason I am fat is because I CAN EAT, but rather that the fat just miraculously attached itself to my body and I can not remove it. So, being in the twinkie eating contest probably wasn't the best thing for the image I am trying to uphold.

That was the least of my worries though. Two twinkies in and I was feeling it. Others had stopped by then. They were trying not to gag. Garbage cans were brought over. It was insane. And yet, I kept going. THEN, times up! Me and two others in a three-way tie having eaten 3 1/2 twinkies in two minutes. Now the conundrum was how to determine the winner. It was decided to make us eat one more and whoever did it the fastest was the winner. Keep in mind friends that the prize was a $25 gift certificate to Bed, Bath and Beyond. Clearly, whoever won would be spending that on a new garbage can since their other one would be ruined from barfing up twinkies. Anyway.....

I kept telling myself that I could do it. I could do it. I was like the little engine that could, but shouldn't. The lady to my left swallowed and showed her empty mouth a split second before me. And I lost. (After gorging myself on 5 twinkies. More than the winner of the guys eat-off contest.) Then she promptly got up and went into the church restroom and made herself barf. I didn't. I think there should be a clause in the contest rules that says, " If the winner is unable to keep the twinkies down or fails to uphold her position as winner of the twinkie eating contest, then the title of winner goes to the runner up, who clearly is so demented that she has not barfed and is more deserving of the prize."

That's what I think. One thing for sure is that I WILL NEVER EAT A TWINKIE AGAIN FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE. I don't care what they are offering as the prize, I am not gonna participate in the contest.

And that, my friends, makes ME the true winner.